


A First Time for Everything

by mcschnuggles



Series: Schnugg's Regressuary 2020 [11]
Category: Lunar Chronicles - Marissa Meyer
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, CGRE - Caregiver/Age Regressor, Caregiver!Iko, Caregiver!Kai, Caregiver!Scarlet, Caregiver!Thorne, Gen, Light Angst, Post-Canon, Regressing!Cinder, Regressing!Cress, Regressing!Wolf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2020-07-10 14:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19907128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcschnuggles/pseuds/mcschnuggles
Summary: Cinder finds out she's an age regressor. Her friends, as always, are there to help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't often do stories where the characters have just found out they regress, so I thought this might be a nice change of pace!

There were few things Cinder’s diagnostics could do to surprise her anymore.

She’d seen everything—or at least, she thought she had.

This warning is new.

There, written across her field of vision in big bold letters, are the words: _WARNING. BLOOD PRESSURE AND HEART RATE DANGEROUSLY HIGH. ENTERING REGRESSIVE MODE._

Regressive mode? Cinder furrows her brow. That’s not part of her system. Or, it shouldn’t be, because it’s hard to deny the words when they’re staring her in the face.

She sets aside what she’s working on and stands up from her desk, littered with broken portscreens. It’s like every portscreen in the palace chose today to malfuction, and if she has to manually restart one more, she going to vomit. It wouldn’t kill her to take a break.

Finding Iko isn’t that hard. Cinder goes to her room to collect her own portscreen, and there Iko is, sprawled out on Cinder’s bed. Cinder distantly remembers that Kinney will be visiting soon, escorting Winter on her latest ambassador mission.

“Iko?”

Iko is stretched out on her bed, painting her synthetic toenails. “Yeah?” She doesn’t look up, just sits back and admires her freshly colbalt toes.

“Can you run a check on my diagnostics?”

“Of course. Is something wrong?”

Cinder shakes her head, then cuts it off with a shrug. “I’m just getting some really weird warning messages.”

Iko glances up, concern in her eyes. “What kind?”

“Something about my high stress levels.” Which is true. After abdicating her throne, Kai jumped at the chance to hire her as his royal mechanic. The official title was a lot more flowery, but he only ever referred to her by her first name. But the point is that the job is tough. Something’s always broken, and more often than not she’s on her feet all day.

“That doesn’t sound too far off.” Iko jokes. “Anything else?”

“My diagnostics said I was entering ‘regressive mode,’ whatever that means.”

Iko’s jaw drops. “You’re an _age regressor_?”

“Yes? Maybe?” Cinder gets the distinct feeling that she’s being cornered. Her shoulders hike up around her neck. “What does that even mean?”

“It means that you feel younger to help cope with stress. It’s like reliving your childhood, but better and safer this time.” Iko clambers off the bed, which takes her twice so as not to ruin her pedicure. “Are you telling me you haven’t seen the net dramas?”

“There are net dramas about this?” Somehow Cinder can’t imagine net dramas about adults acting like little kids getting very high ratings. In fact, it sounds like the exact thing Adri made a point of always turning her nose up at.

Iko nods excitedly. “It’s one of my favorites. It’s called _Under a Thousand Stars_. One of the characters, Stella, comes back from an intergalactic war, and she’s so traumatized that it strains her relationship with her lover, Hansen. But her therapist ends up suggesting age regression as a coping mechanism. Apparently it’s very groundbreaking. All the magazines are raving.”

So this was a thing. A common enough thing to air on a net drama. That was…vaguely reassuring, she supposes. After all, it was better than Iko having no idea what she was talking about or viewing it as disgusting.

“So, like, what does she _do_? What does it feel like?”

Iko’s practically vibrating with excitement. “We should watch the show together! That way you can see for yourself!”

“How about tomorrow night, okay?”

Iko’s expression goes sly. “Oh, silly me. I forgot you have a _date_ tonight!”

Cinder’s never been gladder that she can’t blush.

Iko furrows her brow, snapping back to the problem at hand. “That’s okay, right? The warning messages aren’t urgent?”

Well, all-caps warning messages are usually time sensitive, and all the information about her elevated heart rate didn’t bode well, but she decides to ignore it.

After all, she doesn’t feel any younger. She feels like she always felt.

Part of her wants to ignore that fact that those words even showed up on her screen at all, but at the same time, she knows she can’t. As a compromise, she’ll ignore it for now and deal with it later.

The rest of her work day goes by incredibly slow, so she takes some of her downtime to run searches on “age regression.”

A good chunk of the results are centering around _Under a Thousand Stars_ , which she’s about to filter when one article title catches her eye.

“ _Under a Thousand Stars_ : Everything You Need to Know About Therapeutic Age Regression for the Upcoming Season.”

She skims the opening, which is just detailing the plot points from previous seasons, until she gets to the numbered list. Thank the stars articles have easily skimmable layouts, because she thinks she’d croak if she had to peruse a scientific article instead.

  1. _Age regression is more often than not non-sexual._



Apparently they’d interviewed a number of regressors, many of whom had wanted to remain anonymous. Cinder cringes. Stars, there’s a sexual stigma on this too? Just wonderful.

  1. _Age regression is not role play._



True regression isn’t playacting. At least, not completely. Some regressors enjoy acting a little dumber, asking questions real kids would ask, but for the most part, it’s genuine. One regressor states that being in her headspace makes her more honest, and it’s easier for her to talk about through regression-related issues with her significant other while regressed.

  1. _Age regression is a therapist-approved method of coping._



They went all out for this article, huh? Just from skimming, Cinder can pick out five liscensed psychiatrists vouching for the coping tactic, and that’s not including the calvacade of consultants the show had during the writing process.

  1. _The bond between a caregiver and a regressor is very special._



Trust. Trust, trust, trust, trust. It’s all about trust. There are so many mentions of “trust” in that single paragraph that the word is sounding weird in Cinder’s head. Apparently trust comes with being a regressor, if you want a caregiver. The mere mention of it makes Cinder feel overly vulnerable, as if someone is hanging over her shoulder as she’s reading.

She thinks she trusts Iko that much. If anything, Iko’s enthusiasm had served to make her feel a little less insecure. Still, she hated the idea of pulling her best friend aside on a whim for this, because it didn’t seem like regression was set to a regular schedule that often. It seemed like a major waste of time, and probably totally boring for the caregivers.

  1. _Regressors come in all different shapes, sizes, and personalities._



Cinder closes the article without reading the rest, unsure if she can handle any more. It’s too much to take in at once. Maybe she’ll search for it again later, but she doubts it.

Her workday comes to a close, and Cinder forces herself to get excited about her date with Kai. The regressive mode alert has faded from her field of vision, so it’s easy to pretend like it was never there in the first place.

~

It’s a quiet night. Kai is exhausted from a series of conferences with world leaders, so they pick out a movie at random and order an assortment of snacks. The movie isn’t good, but she and Kai amuse themselves by cracking jokes about it. It lasts until the climax, which is so unbelievably dull that Cinder finds herself nodding off against his shoulder.

Her dreams are not kind to her.

She finds herself back on Luna—in one of the poorer sectors to be exact. Civilians surround her, staring at her like she’s their savior.

It’s all so hauntingly still, as if she’s waiting for the shoe to drop. When she opens her mouth to speak, there it is.

Wolf’s sweet, kind mother, brutally shot down by Lunar guards, crumples at her feet, and when she falls, like dominoes, so do the others. Their bodies crumple like paper, curling around each other, as if they’re only asleep. Men, women, and children, all with sunken cheeks and hollow eyes.

All her fault.

Two figures rise up, staggering their ways over to her.

The first is Queen Levana. As she walks, her glamour flickers in and out, giving flashes of her scorched skin beneath her perfect façade. Her expression changes as well. Joy to rage. Joy to rage. And over and over again.

The other figure is Alpha Steele, the one whose death is the freshest in her mind. She can still smell the stench of his blood as he dies not five feet from her, his wolfish grin creased with red.

She didn’t want either of them to die. She didn’t mean for things to happen the way they did. It was an accident! She’s not a killer; she’s not _Levana_.

Cinder turns and runs, but finds her body uncooperative. She runs like people always seem to run in nightmares, as if she’s wading through honey. Her heart slams against her chest from the exertion, but when she turns to look over her shoulder, she’s horrified to find that they have already caught up to her.

The smells are overpowering. Blood, sweat, burning, rust. They each take one of her wrists and stare, their gazes unrelenting.

She tries to pull away from their grips, but suddenly something is forcibly holding her in place and she’s screaming and thrashing and calling for someone to help— _Wolf, Iko, Thorne, anybody?_

The arms release her, and the jolt of pain she gets from colliding with the floor knocks her into semi-consciousness. She’s staring down a lavish carpet. The ballroom where Alpha Steele had died had been tile. She’s not there.

“Cinder? Are you okay?” A voice says from her right. It’s Kai. He’s not touching her. “What’s wrong?”

“Steele.” Cinder rasps. She drags her hands down her face, if only to confirm to herself that she’s not bleeding. Her eyes confirm she isn’t, but her spiraling anxiety says she can never be sure. If she’s not bleeding, why is the scent of blood still so strong?

“Steele? Cinder, he’s long dead. There’s nothing to worry about.”

She jerks her head in his direction.

Terror is etched across his face. She can’t blame him. She’s just as scared.

The urge to vomit climbs up her throat, which she forcefully gulps back down. Part of her wants to laugh, but that part is drowned out by every other part of her, which wants to break down screaming and crying.

So this is the “regressive mode” her processor was warning her about.

Everything feels so foggy, like the world and even her own feelings are too big for her to handle. Every part of her is screaming for rest, begging for permission to break down utterly and completely.

She feels helpless. Scared. And so, so tiny.

“Get Iko,” she decides, before her lungs decide they aren’t getting enough air. Just saying that is a herculean task, and they’ll be getting nowhere if she can’t communicate. Iko will know how to help, and if she can’t, they can at least send each other comms.

Kai scrambles for his portscreen and hastily types a message. His gaze keeps shifting between her and the screen, as if he’s too scared to look away from her. Even so, he stays rooted where he stands.

Cinder wraps her arms around herself, gasping like a fish on land. It takes everything in her to not let her breathing spiral into hyperventilating.

Iko arrives within minutes, practically kicking down the door to enter. She drops beside Cinder, her hands hovering. “Will it overwhelm you if I touch you?”

“Is this what it’s always supposed to feel like?” Cinder asks through gasps for air. A red light blinks its warning in her periphery, warning her that if she stays this panicked, this overwhelmed with energy, it’s going to cause an automatic shutdown.

Iko flattens her palm against Cinder’s back. “No.” Her voice sounds different, like she’d either downloaded a new inflection pack or a new voice altogether. It’s remarkably soothing. “It’s okay, though. It’ll all be okay. Shh.”

“You didn’t see them.” Cinder chokes out. “Didn’t smell them. Oh, _stars_ , the smell.” The memory brings the nausea back with a vengeance. She coughs violently, gagging on her own spit. Her body is wrought with dry heaving. Her stomach squeezes, trying to force up food that doesn’t exist.

“It’s over now.” Iko assures her. “It’s all right. You’re a good girl.”

As a cyborg, she can’t cry, but her body desperately _needs_ her to. It’s Iko’s comment that sends her over the edge. She sobs without tears, rocketing between that and gagging. Her cyborg parts keep her from looking like a mess of snot and tears and vomit, and she couldn’t be more grateful. That would be one loss of dignity she wouldn’t be able to take.

Iko sticks beside her, keeping up the soothing touches and whispered assurances.

“Iko? Is Cinder okay? What’s going on?”

There’s a telling pause, so Cinder knows Iko is thinking the same thing she is. How can they explain their way out of this? The answer is that they can’t. So, within twenty-four hours of finding out she’s a regressor, now Kai knows too.

Talk about some rotten luck.

“She’s…regressing.” Iko explains, haltingly.

“Regressing?” Kai blinks in shock. “What does that mean? What’s wrong?”

“Honestly, do none of you keep up to date on the net dramas? _Under a Thousand Stars_?” Iko dramatically rolls her eyes. “Here. Wrap her up in this.” She dives for the bed and yanks the covers free.

Cinder feels herself being wrapped in the blanket more than she sees it. Kai pins down her arms first, which is a smart move on his part, because if her hands were free, the pressure of someone’s arms on her chest would prompt her to start swinging.

Instead, she’s left, half-panting, half-sobbing, and utterly helpless pinned to Kai’s side.

“Shh.” Iko soothes. She takes Cinder’s face in her hands and gently thumbs Cinder’s cheeks, as if she were a real girl with real tears to cry. “Take deep breaths with me, Cinder, okay?”

Cinder wants to laugh. As an android, Iko doesn’t need to breathe, and for her to even pretend like she can, she probably had to download a breathing sound effects pack. It’s kind of silly.

Iko makes a clear, deliberate pattern for Cinder to follow, making big, exaggerated motions.

_In, one, two, three, four. Out, one, two, three, four._

“Good job. Keep that up.” She swivels her head toward Kai. “It’s not really my place to explain for her, but Stella always has worse dreams after falling asleep in her smaller headspace. It just makes everything feel so big in comparison.”

“And Stella…this is the character from the net drama?”

Cinder crafts a rhythm from their conversation. The cadence of Iko’s voice is in even beats of four, while Kai’s is less steady, but much slower. _In…out…in…out…_

Iko explains the basics, little more than what she told Cinder, but Kai has a dozen questions. _When did this start? Will she be okay?_ All to which, Iko tells him, _it’s not my position to say._

Cinder’s breathing evens out, and Iko smiles. “There’s a girl. How about I get you a juice box?”

Juice sounds nice. Juice sounds very nice. Cinder bobs her head, too exhausted to speak. She’d probably fall back asleep if the thought of dreaming again didn’t terrify her.

Once Iko is gone, Cinder is left with nothing but her thoughts and Emperor Kai, who just laid witness to the worst breakdown she’s had in years. The thought is enough to bring the quiver back into her lips.

“I-I’m sor-ry,” she gasps out through hiccuping sobs. The most humiliating thing about this is how right Iko is. The pressure, the warmth, is all helping her calm down. She can’t work herself back up into her previous state, but she sure as the stars can keep sobbing about it.

“Hey, it’s alright. Shh.” He looks so startled.

For the first time she can remember, the emperor looks at a complete loss for what to do. She can’t blame him. She’s sure the last thing he wanted to deal with tonight was his girlfriend having a complete meltdown.

“I can’t say it’s how I expected to spend my evening with you, but that’s okay. No big deal.” He readjusts his hold on her so she can rest her head on his shoulder.

They sit there in silence, letting the seconds tick by until Iko returns with Cinder’s promised juice box.

“I’m here for you.” Kai promises, and in that moment, she finally starts to feel safe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know all of my readers want me to update literally anything else but here's this instead

Cinder hides in her room for the next day.

Whenever people ask her for tech help, she mainly answers over comm. The more stubborn people demand in-person assistance, to which she tries her best at faking sick, and they usually let her go within five minutes.

Kai comms her throughout the day. From what she can see of the message previews, he’s concerned, but she never opens them.

Iko messages her at least once, but it’s a simple message asking if she’s okay. No pressure to respond there. She’ll get to it when she can say she is without lying.

All she can do when she thinks of last night is cringe. Why had she acted like that? So dependent, so _needy_? And why had she thought nothing of it, like it was all natural for her.

She jumps when another comm pops up in her inbox, and she’s a few seconds away from muting messages completely when she notices that this one isn’t from Kai.

_Cress and I are dropping off the newest batch of plague cure for the Eastern Commonwealth. Double date?_

_Oh, and Kai can come too._

Cinder rolls her eyes. Good to know Thorne hasn’t changed any since she last saw him.

She’s about to politely decline when a sudden thought strikes her.

Cress still watches quite a few net dramas, so she’s probably at least heard of _Under a Thousand Stars_. At least then, Cinder will have some way to gauge her reaction, and if it’s not completely negative, Cinder will probably let her know what’s going on. Because after last night, she really, really needs someone to talk to, and it really, really can’t be either person that was there to see it.

The Rampion is parked neatly amongst the private royal hovers, standing out like a sore thumb. It’s the only vehicle with the custom paint job.

“Hello?” she calls, but no one answers. “Cress? Thorne?”

She proceeds down the hallways, checking every room. The ship isn’t that big, so they can’t be far.

She’s heading toward the cockpit when she finally catches a sign of life. Their voices trickle out into the hall. Cress is giggling.

The cargo bay. Of course. As Cinder proceeds down the thin hallway, their voices steadily become clearer. 

“Why, of course, my dearest princess.” Thorne says. “I offer my sincerest thanks to you for inviting me to this illustrious event.”

“It was my pleasure, Prince Carswell.” Cress speaks with a faux British accent and barely concealed glee. “May I offer you a princess cookie?”

“My favorite!”

“Guys?” She rounds the corner to find the two of them sitting at a tiny table. They freeze when they see her, and Cinder can’t help freezing back.

Cress’s face is smeared with makeup. And while she wears a dress, she isn’t barefoot. Instead, she wears fluffy socks with puppies in bow ties printed on them. She’s wearing a cheap plastic tiara, but it keeps slipping off to one side.

Thorne is dressed as he usually is, decked out in his bomber jacket. By comparison, it makes the paper crown he wears, decorated with glitter glue and paper gems, look even more out of place.

Cinder immediately gets the feeling that she’s stumbled on something intensely private.

“…Hi.” Cinder says finally. It’s weak, even to her, but she has to say something to break the awful silence hanging in the air.

Cress’s eyes immediately fill with tears, and despite Thorne’s best efforts, she turns and bolts, disappearing behind the crates of plague antidote.

“Hi there, Cinder.” Thorne says. He makes no moves to remove the paper crown resting on his head.

“Hi,” she says again, because it’s all her brain can come up with.

There’s a positioning of his jaw she’s never seen from him. His expression is more serious than she’s ever seen it. “I trust I don’t have to ask you to keep this private, right?”

She nods.

“So can I help you with something?”

She speaks slowly. “Cress…is an age regressor?”

Thorne’s eyebrows shoot up into the cover of his perfectly styled hair. “How did you know that?”

“Uh…” Cinder realizes she talked herself into a corner a second too late.

Apparently her silence is enough. “Spades, you too?”

Suddenly not trusting her own voice, Cinder simply nods her head.

Thorne laughs. “Well, at least that saves us an explanation.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare her.”

“You just startled her. No harm done. Watch this.” Thorne beckons her inside, and she follows him down one of the rows of plague antidote. He glances up, then cups his hands around his mouth and calls out in a light, playful voice, “Ollie ollie oxen free!”

There’s a squeal overhead. Cinder jumps, but Thorne throws out his arms on instinct, just in time for Cress to drop from the ceiling and directly into Thorne’s arms.

A big, goofy grin spreads over Thorne’s face. “Hey, princess.”

She’s still smiling, despite the tear tracks drying on her face.

“You wanna say hi to Cinder?” he asks, casting an imploring look in her direction.

Cinder suspects that’s her cue. “Hi, Cress.” Cinder says, leaning in to wave.

Cress buries herself further into Thorne’s neck, tightening her arms around his shoulders.

“She’s a little shy.” Thorne says. He bounces her. “C’mon, princess. You remember Cinder, dontcha?”

Cress nods, daring a single peek out from Thorne’s neck. She offers a tiny smile, but immediately goes back into hiding.

Cinder can’t help but feel rather impressed. The amount of trust Cress had in Cinder already was rather commendable, especially with her not knowing Cinder was just like her.

“I wanted to talk to you, actually.” Cinder explains.

“Oh?” Cress peeks back out. “Well, if it has anything to do with computers, you’re gonna have to come back later, because I’m not allowed on the computers right now.”

“Um, well, I wanted to ask you about age regression, actually.”

Cress’s eyes go wider. “You knew?”

“No, actually. Not at all. I thought maybe you’d seen the net drama about it?” She offers a weak smile, but Cress only stares at her. “I was actually asking because I…regress…too.”

The words don’t feel true, even if they are. She’s never intentionally regressed, and after last night, she still has no desire to try again. She doesn’t know if she’ll be able to look Iko in the eye next time they cross paths.

“Really?” Cress bursts forward, nearly knocking Thorne on his butt as she dives to stand on her own. “We can be playmates?” She bounces on her toes.

“Um, sure?”

“Why don’t you join our tea party and we can talk?” Thorne suggests. He puts an arm around Cress’s shoulder, as if trying to reign her in. Cinder can already tell that’s next to impossible.

Cress nods vigorously. “You can be Princess Cinder!”

Cinder cringes. “No princess title for me, please.”

Cress nods again, her expression going serious as she pads back over to her tea party table. She pulls an arts and crafts box from under their tiny table and gets to work making Cinder a necklace.

“Have a seat.” Thorne says. He offers her his tiny chair and opts to sit on the floor.

“Where did you find this stuff?” Cinder asks.

“Mostly thrift stores.” Thorne answers. “You’d be surprised what you can find. Most of it just needs a fresh coat of paint and a thorough disinfecting and you’re good to go.”

“And how long has this been going on for?”

“At least six months. I’d ask you the same thing, but I’m guessing this is fairly new.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Cinder, I watched you kidnap the Emperor and start an intergalactic war with confidence. When you’re anything more than completely self-assured, something’s up.”

“All done!” Cress presents her creation. It’s a crudely crafted necklace, made out of a piece of yarn with a paper jewel taped to it.

Cinder ducks her head, letting Cress put it on her. She has a feeling that if she so much as breathes, the thing will break apart, so she tries her best not to breathe.

“I dub thee Cinder the Awesome.”

Cinder giggles. “I’ll take it.”

“So…” Thorne trails off, looking at Cinder expectantly. “Does anyone know?”

“Iko. Iko and … Kai.” Cinder keeps her eyes on the table, watching as Cress carefully arranges a new plate of cookies.

Thorne sucks in a breath through his teeth. “I’m guessing His Imperial Tactfulness didn’t take to it too well?”

“Thank you, Princess.” When her artfully arranged cookie plate is set in front of her, Cinder flashes a brief smile that makes Cress go absolutely giddy. “He was nice. I think he was just startled.” Which is what she’s been telling herself all day and she still doesn’t believe it.

Thorne scoffs. “Startled doesn’t make up for anything. Do you know how I found out about Cress?” A grin comes to his face. “She mentioned it mid-rant.”

Cinder glances over to confirm that Cress is blushing.

“We’d just finished a letumosis run, and she’d noticed some mom swat her kid on the back of her head, and I heard about it the entire time we were loading up. Then, she mentions how all she could see was Sybil, and if parents like that weren’t around, she wouldn’t need Terrence the Brave.”

Cinder glances over again, and assumes that the stuffed penguin in the seat labeled “Guest of Honor” is Terrence.

“So one big, long conversation later, we set up our first time for her to regress, and it’s been history ever since.”

“I found out about it from net dramas.” Cress adds. She pauses to pop her frosting-covered index finger into her mouth.

“I had a panic attack and had to call Iko in.”

“There are worse people to call for.” Thorne says. He absent-mindedly pulls Cress’s wrist, taking her finger from her mouth and wiping it down with an embroidered handkerchief.

“I was in the middle of a date with Kai.”

The smile slides off Thorne’s face. “Oh, that’s not as good.”

The weight of everything finally starts to sink in. “You should’ve seen the look on his face. He said that it was okay, but I know he’s going to see me different from now on.” She hunches her shoulders. “And besides, I didn’t want him to find out so soon. Not after I’d just found out.”

Thorne raises an eyebrow. It shocks Cinder just how easily he can see through her, and it pushes her towards smallness no matter how hard she wants to fight against it. “How soon are we talking?”

Shame prickles her ears. “Last night.”

If Thorne had a single shred of cockiness left, it drops off his face now. “Oh, Cinder. I’m so sorry. Not a great two days, huh?”

“You’re using the voice.” Cress pipes up.

Thorne’s face heats up, and he clears his throat. “Sorry about that.”

“The voice?” Cinder repeats, grateful for some change in subject.

“The voice he uses when I talk about my childhood.” Cress answers simply. She seems unbothered as she pops another cookie into her mouth. “It’s like a flashing neon sign that says ‘that makes me too sad to say.’ It also means he lets you have dessert alongside dinner.”

“Hush, you.” Thorne teasingly tweaks her nose. He glances back at Cinder. She didn’t even know his expression could be so gentle. “Would you like to regress again? I mean, we already have the toys out, and it’s not like the snacks are going anywhere. It probably wouldn’t hurt to spend time with a caregiver who halfway knows what they’re doing.”

Cress nods vigorously. “We have American-only candy that we probably won’t have again for a long time! We can split it!”

“You’ve had enough candy for one day.”

“Says you.”

“Weren’t you just saying you had a stomachache?”

“It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make for Cinder.”

Cinder laughs weakly. “Thanks, guys. I appreciate it, but…I can’t. Not so soon. I need to get back to work?” It sounds more like a request than a statement, and it’s not even halfway true. She’s going back to hide in her room and they all know it.

“We’ll walk you out.” Thorne offers.

Cress tugs at his sleeve. “Can I come?”

Cinder doesn’t have time to ask before Cress vaults over the tiny table and onto Thorne’s back. His muscles strain faintly as he stands, but the grin never once leaves his face. Cinder can see why, when Cress is smiling at him like he’s hanging the moon and nuzzling her cheek against his.

“Thanks, Prince Carswell,” she teases. It’s easier to feel like herself when she can stare ahead at nothing. “This has been a huge help.”

Thorne turns a bright shade of red. “You heard that, huh?”

“I thought you couldn’t be her prince.”

“I’m not a prince,” he answers. “I just play one on the net dramas.”

“Thanks again for everything.”

“Well, we’re always here if you need it.” He smirks conspiratorially. “And you didn’t hear it from me, but Scarlet and Wolf too.”

Cinder chuckles. “Sounds about right. I can see them being the fun aunt and uncle.”

Thorne’s grin turns wry. “Something like that.”


	3. Chapter 3

The next time Kai runs into Cinder, it’s a disaster.

Maybe it’s because he goes out looking for her, and in the process realizes how hard she’s going out of her way to avoid him. So when he finds her, he’s expecting this stunned, deer-in-the-headlights look, but he doesn’t need her for long. Just long enough to reassure her that everything’s okay.

He won’t lie, when she regressed last, it caught him off guard, but it didn’t bother him and he definitely wasn’t disgusted. After all, if he could handle Cinder being both a cyborg and a Lunar, her being a regressor was small potatoes in comparison.

He’d done some research in the meantime, and to be frank, he thinks it’s rather cute. But most importantly, he just wants her to be happy. He knows most people regress to cope with stress and trauma, and he can imagine Cinder is similar. After all, he’s met her stepmother. He knows she didn’t have it easy growing up.

“Hi.” She blinks at him, using the same wide-eyed, scared look he saw from her that night at the ball.

“Hey.” Kai checks behind him, just to double check that no one’s passing through the halls. He won’t be going into specifics, but he’s sure Cinder will feel better if no one’s around no matter how he words it. “I wanted to ask you about—”

“No, no, don’t worry about it.” Her smile is big, strained, and she’s already backing away.

Kai’s stomach plummets. Even after all this time, does something in him really make her want to run away. He tries again. “You just seemed—”

She cuts him off again. “I’m fine now. It’s no big deal.”

“But Iko—”

“There are others.”

His eyes bug. Others? “Huh?”

Cinder pales. “Uh, nothing. Nevermind. Forget I said anything. I have to go now. Work and…stuff. It’s fine, really. No big deal. I’ve taken care of it.” She won’t even look him in the eye as she cuts past him, and practically sprints down the hallway.

With a sigh, Kai leans against the nearest wall and crosses his arms. Poor Cinder. He knows how hard it is for her to trust. It must be awful to feel this vulnerable, especially when it’s not her choice. He just wants to be there for her.

He’s halfway into a brand new sulking session when something she said finally clicks with him.

Others?

Kai shakes his head and pulls out his portscreen.

It seems he has a few comms to send.

~

With his schedule, it’s almost impossible to cram in another conference call, and with his schedule, he almost doesn’t want to, but neither of those things are going to stop him when Cinder’s happiness is involved.

His personal netscreen flickers to life, the screen neatly divided into two different images. On one side, Scarlet. On the other, Thorne.

“Hey, Kai.” Scarlet gives a polite smile, but it’s clear she knows off the bat that this isn’t a casual chat. Her forehead is shining with sweat, meaning she probably just finished a long bout of work on the farm.

“How nice to know His Imperial Business hasn’t forgotten about us.” Thorne teases. By comparison, he doesn’t have a hair out of place, but that’s to be expected of Thorne.

Kai grins. “Thank you both for agreeing to this call, especially on such short notice.” He sits up in his chair, squaring his shoulders the way he does when he’s speaking with other world leaders. He needs the confidence. “I just want to start off by saying this is a secured line, so please speak freely.” He sees suspicions sparking once he says that. “But I wanted to ask you guys about age regression.”

Scarlet furrows her brow. “Why are you asking us?”

He casually strokes the hair back from his forehead. “You guys are my closest friends. Do I need a reason?”

Wary stares from both of them. He can practically see Scarlet looking for a reason to end this call early, and Thorne is taking no measures to hide his glare.

Kai winces. He knew that wouldn’t go over well, but he didn’t expect them to be so defensive. It only confirms they know something, though. He might as well tell the truth.

“Cinder may have mentioned she knew some people.” Before anyone can get mad, he holds his hands up to appease them. “She tried to cover it up, but I was the one being nosy. I had a couple of advisors do some digging and they were able to find some things.”

Thorne folds his arms, jaw set. “What kind of things?”

“Not much. No one would be able to draw those conclusions but me, if that’s what you’re asking.” Both of them look ready to commit murder at the drop of a hat. “Just a couple of old tabloid reports. Someone from Rieux went on record saying Wolf can be like a big kid, and I was able to make a connection between the last time Cress visited and searches for episodes of _Ninja Princess Tea Party_.”

Something dangerous sparks in Scarlet’s eyes. “Is there a reason you’re doing all this snooping?”

Kai tries not to shrink back. Yes, his methods were a little shady, but the last thing he wanted to do was accidentally approach the wrong person with a sensitive a topic as this. Cinder barely trusted him, he could only imagine how she felt with everyone else. “No, I just wanted to ask for help because…”

“Cinder regresses too.” Thorne finishes.

Kai tries not to let his shock show. “…Yes, actually.”

“Yeah. She came to Cress and me a while back.”

“She came to you? She all but broke down in front of me.” Jealousy curls in the pit of his stomach.

“Trust me. I’ve heard all about it.” Thorne crosses his arms. “You can’t just do that to someone.”

Scarlet’s eyes widen. “What did you do?”

“I-I froze up.” Kai stutters. Froze like an idiot deer in the headlights. “I tried to help, but I don’t think she trusts me after that. I was just so shocked at first and…she had to call Iko.”

“You need to do better.” Thorne says, but his anger is almost immediately overcome by a look of pure agony. “I hope you’re happy. Because I just became my _father_.”

Funny, because Kai definitely feels like a chastised kid. He hunches his shoulders. “I will. I didn’t mean to freak her out.”

“It doesn’t matter if you meant it.” Scarlet interrupts. Kai notices she hasn’t stopped frowning for this entire call. “It sounds like you hurt her feelings. Regressing around someone is a big leap of faith, Kai. You need to be the one to reassure her that everything’s okay.”

“Either that or leave it to someone who can.” Thorne adds.

Kai bristles. “Okay. I get it. Kai messed up. Can we now move on to the next phase of this conversation?”

“I don’t know. I’m having fun.” Thorne flashes a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

For that, Kai chooses to ignore him. “I was thinking we could throw a big playdate for Cinder?”

“A playdate?”

Scarlet balks. “Seriously?”

“I feel awful about how I acted, and I want to show her…it’s okay. I want her to trust me with this. And I want to make the next time she regresses really special. And since she obviously trusts you enough to approach you…” He can’t stop the jealousy from creeping back into his voice as he gestures at Thorne. “I just think it’d be a safe place for both of us. That way someone can slap me on the back of the head if I mess up.”

Scarlet smirks. “When and where?”

“The Rampion would be the safest. No chance of interruptions.”

“And that’s where all Cress’s toys are.” Thorne adds. He still looks wary, but Kai can only take his lack of denial as approval.

“Thank you.” Kai says.

And at that, Thorne cracks a smile. “Gigantic slip up or no, you’ve got your heart in the right place.”

“So, where do I start? I don’t want to overwhelm her or anything, but I get the distinct feeling she wants to avoid me as much as possible.”

“What does she like?” Thorne asks.

Kai frowns. “Uh, tinkering?”

“When she’s small, Your Royal Cluelessness.”

“She doesn’t tinker?”

“Does she?”

“Are you telling me Cress doesn’t hack into CreatorCraft for extra gold?”

Thorne shakes his head. “Cress isn’t allowed any screen time when she’s small.” He pauses, his face softening a touch. “It freaks her out to be surrounded by that much tech.”

Well, that doesn’t give him much to work with. Even on dates, Cinder doesn’t like to be apart from her work for too long, and even if he could get her away from it, that didn’t do anything for the tech in her head.

He decides to shift focus. “What about Wolf?”

“He doesn’t like doing much of anything.” Scarlet answers.

Kai furrows his brow. “You don’t do _anything_?”

Scarlet shrugs. “Sometimes I borrow storybooks from the library to read to him, but for the most part he just likes to curl up beside me and maybe watch a movie. He usually falls asleep ten minutes in, though.”

Thorne huffs. “You’re lucky. Putting Cress to bed makes overthrowing Levana look easy. Way less strategy involved with the latter.”

Stars, how long have they been doing this? They sound like experts. Or did it just come to them naturally? He bets they didn’t have such a rough start to their relationships. After all, Scarlet and Wolf are pack bonded, and Cress and Thorne’s relationship revolves around the trust they have in each other. He and Cinder don’t have enough trust for eye contact.

Kai groans and buries his face in his hands. “I don’t think I’m cut out for this.”

“Spades, and _I’m_ the overdramatic one?”

“Yes,” Scarlet says, deadpan.

“Still, if I can handle this, so can Emperor Pity Party.” Thorne smacks his netscreen, as if Kai is a dysfunctional portscreen. “Come on, stop making me feel bad for you. It’s not nearly as hard as you’re making it out to be.”

“Somehow I doubt that.”

“He’s right.” Scarlet agrees. “You really only have to be good at two things. Reacting and reading body language.”

Kai blinks at them. He feels like there is a lot more to it, that it’s probably so second nature to them they’ve forgotten how much goes into caring for their respective regressors.

“Okay, so Cress loves princesses, right? How did I learn that? Well, I noticed after a while that she kind of perked up when princess shows came on.”

“Wolf doesn’t always tell me what he wants either, so there’s always some guess work involved. There’s no shame in just asking, though.”

Kai is struck with the sudden thought that he should be taking notes. Otherwise, he’ll never keep this all straight.

Scarlet catches him immediately. “Are you taking notes?”

Thorne snorts, and Kai can’t help grinning back. “I’m just trying to keep everything in order. Cress likes princesses and Wolf likes quiet time.”

Before he can finish typing the first thing, he’s bombarded with a hundred more tips, which he dutifully records until his hands start cramping.

He’s going to make Cinder’s next time regressing special.

He’ll make sure of it.


	4. Chapter 4

The day Cinder’s been dreading comes within the month.

The red light in the corner of her vision, warning her that she’s about to regress, comes back in a matter of days, and while she wanted to quietly remedy this on her own, Iko immediately notices something is up and rats her out to the rest of the Rampion crew.

It’s a snowball effect from there. Cress and Thorne, fresh off an antidote run to America, immediately go to pick up Wolf and Scarlet before arriving back at the palace. Cress won’t stop mentioning how excited she is, all but confirming that Cinder can’t back out even if she wanted to.

And of course, out of a weird sense of obligation, because that’s the only reason Kai would want to be around her regressed self after her utter freak out last time, he joins her.

“I just wanted to tell you that I care about you.” Kai says, putting a reassuring arm around her shoulders.

Cinder doesn’t quite believe him, but the physical touch is nice.

Scarlet and Thorne greet them outside.

“Hey, Cinder!” Thorne says. Even for him, he’s smiling widely. “Head on in. The kids are inside.”

“Cinder!” Before Cinder can step over the threshold, she’s tackled into a hug by a very excitable Cress. She’s not dressed in the princess attire from last time, but instead one of Thorne’s T-shirts—which fits her about the same as a dress—a pair of capri leggings, and of course, funny socks. These ones have alligators in suspenders riding scooters on them.

“Hi, Cress.”

“I missed you!”

Cinder grins, unable to resist getting swept up in Cress’s energy. “I missed you, too!”

Wolf trots up behind her, shoulders hunched, head ducked. He still looks massive beside tiny Cress, but the way he holds himself makes him look that much smaller.

He smiles shyly and waves, and it finally hits Cinder that he may not be here to look after Cress and her.

“Wolf’s littler than both of us.” Cress whispers. “So you gotta be extra nice to him, okay?”

Cinder glances back. “Well, how old are you?”

“I’m six! What about you?”

Cinder opens her mouth to respond, when she realizes she doesn’t know. She hates to say it, but she doesn’t even feel small. Now, she doesn’t have the best frame of reference, since she regressed due to a panic attack and hasn’t regressed since.

“It’s okay.” Cress assures her. “You can be the oldest for now.”

“Thanks.” Cinder gets the feeling that this is Cress’s way of being nice.

Cress nods, her big smile highlighting her freckles. “So what do you wanna do?” Cress asks her.

Cinder blanches. She thought she’d be hanging back, observing. She couldn’t handle being responsible for everyone’s fun. That’s so much pressure! She’s stuck there, frozen, when Thorne joins them.

“So funny that you’d mention that, princess.” Thorne says. He takes the time to readjust Cress’s collar. “Because I have something for you.”

He pulls a bracelet from his pocket. It’s made of string, and decorated with beads, but Cress stares at it like it’s the emperor’s crown jewels.

Cress gapes. “ _Really?_ ”

“Just be on your best behavior. You have two shy newbies to watch out for.”

Cress nods seriously as Thorne secures it around her wrist.

“This is the Leader Bracelet. It’s for when the kids start fighting. Basically, if you’re wearing it, you’re in charge for the day. What movies we watch, what snacks we get, what games we play. It was one way for Wolf to get a word in over Miss Bossy-Britches.” With a coy grin, he pinches Cress’s cheek.

“Hey!” She swats at his wrist. “No teasing!”

“Cress also uses it when she’s feeling smaller than normal. She gives it to me so I know it’s okay to take charge. Maybe it can be your turn with it next time.”

Cinder tries and fails not to grimace. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

“It’s okay, Cinder. You don’t have to be in charge if you don’t want to. I’ll make every day really fun for us all! Wolf really likes to color. Is it okay if we color?”

“Uh, sure.” Frankly, she’s just glad Cress didn’t ask her what she liked to do, because she had no idea. Then again, that might be why she didn’t.

“Yay! Let’s go color!” Cress takes her wrist and all but drags her away.

Cress leads her and Wolf to the same kiddie table she was at last time Cinder saw her, but with considerably more chairs this time.

“You looked kinda uncomfortable with Kai.” Cress whispers once Wolf has caught up.

“It’s…new.” Cinder admits. “Everything’s new.”

“It’s okay. Just say the codeword and I’ll come in and get you out of there, okay?”

“What’s the codeword?”

Cress pauses to consider this. “Red glitter.”

“Red glitter?”

“It’s my least favorite kind. So if you ask me for it, I’ll know something is up.” Cress plucks a stuffed animal from one of the chairs, holding it out in Cinder’s direction. “This is Flipper. Carswell bought him for me when we went to the aquarium, but you can borrow him for now.”

Its fur is unbelievably soft. And the weight does feel nice against her chest. Cinder accepts, if only because it gives her something to do with her arms. “Thanks.”

“Uh-huh!” Cress and Wolf sit shoulder to shoulder, moving easily around each other as they lay out crayons and pieces of paper. “What are you gonna draw, Cinder?”

“Oh, I don’t think I’m gonna color today.”

“Is it because you don’t know what to draw?” Cress asks. “That’s okay! We have coloring pages too!”

Before Cinder can protest, Cress slides a folder over the table. Inside is a collection of coloring pages, featuring everything from puppies to net drama stars. Cinder plucks out one at random, which happens to feature a multitude of smiling fish, and gets to work.

It’s surprisingly easy to get lost in the work. It’s easy, simple, and her cyborg enhancements are surprisingly good at helping her pick out nice complementary colors.

That being said, she can’t help overhearing.

“What am I supposed to do?” Kai says. “I don’t wanna make her uncomfortable or scare her.”

“Are you serious?” Scarlet asks.

“Watch and learn.” Thorne adds.

Cinder hunches her shoulders, going back to her work, when Thorne comes into view.

Without a word, he cups Cress’s face in his hands and blows a gigantic raspberry against her cheek. She shrieks with laughter, and he pulls away. “Having fun?” he asks.

She nods. “Look at how good Cinder is at drawing!”

Cinder’s eyes snap to her own paper. She hasn’t really been paying attention to her coloring, and now that she does, she still doesn’t think it looks all that spectacular, but Thorne grins regardless.

“Looks amazing, Cinder.”

Something stirs inside of her, and the world gets a little less complicated. She likes being complimented, even if it’s for nothing special. She’s so used to be criticized that the tiny compliment makes her heart jump for joy.

“Thanks.”

Thorne nods and turns his attention back to Cress. “Well, Miss Leader, would you like to help me with snacks?”

Cress nods, hopping onto Thorne’s back before he has the chance to protest. The two trot off, leaving Wolf by himself on his side of the table. He looks more than a little lost.

“I’m coming.” Scarlet assures him.

It’s hard to ignore how Wolf perks up when he sees Scarlet walking his way.

“Hi, pup.” She steps into his open arms, cradling his head against her chest. She points to his drawing. “Is that the farm?”

He nods.

“That looks so good, honey!” She nuzzles his cheek, and he preens under the attention.

Cinder cranes her neck, shocked to see a near perfect replica of their Rieux farm. Cress’s drawing of princesses and knights looks sloppy in comparison. How is he able to draw that well with those claws?

She glances up again, only to immediately avert her eyes. Scarlet and Wolf speak in hushed tones, too quiet for Cinder to hear. Whatever they say, Wolf nods his head, and takes Scarlet’s hand. She leads him off without a word.

“Hey, Cinder.”

“Hi.” A jolt of embarrassment runs up her spine to see Kai standing over her, looking down at her like this. Half of her is finding coloring relaxing, while the other half isn’t small yet and feels ashamed to be seen like this.

Kai persists, either ignoring or not noticing the awkwardness. “What are you working on?”

“Just coloring,” she answers.

“Cool.” He glances up, gaze flitting to somewhere over her head. “Is it okay if I sit with you?”

“Sure.”

He sits, and immediately half the tension dissipates. It’s better when he isn’t looming over her, when they’re both sitting and a kiddie table instead of just her.

Cinder isn’t sure what to say. Her head is starting to feel fuzzy, which her eye scanners have helpfully informed her is part of her regressive state, but being so close to Kai makes her feel twice as out of her depth.

Thankfully, they only sit there for so long before Cress comes barreling back in.

“Hey, Cinder.” Cress whispers. Her grin is conspiratorial, as if everyone within five feet can’t hear her. “What’s your favorite kind of cookie?”

“Um, chocolate chip?” she guesses. Adri never really let her have the cookies she made, and since leaving, it hadn’t been high on Cinder’s priority list to try, but she knew people liked chocolate chip and figured she would too.

“That’s Wolf’s favorite too!” Over her head, Cinder notices Thorne making very insistent gestures at Kai. That’s when it clicks with her.

He has absolutely no idea what he’s doing.

Well, that makes two of them.

“That looks really nice, Cinder.” Kai says.

She shrugs. “It’s the cyborg parts. It automatically tells me what colors go good together.”

“I was never very good at drawing.” Kai admits. “Maybe you can show me?” He peels off his suit jacket and rolls up his sleeves.

“Yeah, sure.” She scoots her chair closer to his until their shoulders touch, which sends a bolt of electricity through her. Remembering her place, she looks to him, grateful she can’t blush all over again. “This is…okay?” she asks.

Kai smiles. “Of course. Anything that helps you is fine by me.”

And much to her surprise, Cinder smiles back, because she actually believes he means it with all his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> mcschnuggles.tumblr.com


End file.
